it has recently occurred to me, for all the reason i hate and all the reasons i enjoy, that i am quite similar to my mother. in body shape, demeanor, volume and practice.

this terrifies the hell out of me. but then again, maybe i'm ten steps ahead because, i only knowing her at an age much older than mine....... or maybe these are just constant traits. what does it matter at all anyhow.

at times my heart feels frozen. and the rest of the time it doesn't. every thought, feeling and action is based in/on some reality that i'm not currently defining but maybe it is the same as yours and maybe it is constant more likely it is changing and i am unaware until some drastic shift occurs. but how many drastic shifts happen? so then things are constant not in themselves but instead in their changing. and my sister still holds on to the idea/hope/delusion that she might win the lottery. how could that ever be a wish or desire? most people regret winning. there was a documentary on it. very few lottery winners are happy they won.


i want to be in the woods, touch dirt, feel cold that is moist. not wind tunnels created by buildings.

and i want to float in warm water until my mind clears and feet wrinkle.

i want to be certain. of what? not sure. but certain nonetheless.

i want to be able to have life go beyond two week segments.


it's strange, fractals keep being brought up in the past few weeks.